I finally caved this past winter after months of prodding from my friends and decided to give the world of online dating a try. I know a few people who have been successful with it; however, they are both straight and gay. I didn’t realize that my being bisexual would become an issue. I began by filling out a profile at match.com. Really, I couldn’t have chosen a worse place to start. I did notice that they didn’t give you an option to list yourself as bisexual. What I didn’t realize was the controversy surrounding this issue. Apparently bisexual profiles were not permitted on their website. The justification given for this being that bisexuals hadn’t yet made up their minds about who they are. More importantly, however, because match.com does not support non-monogamous relationships. After all, we all know that bisexuals are promiscuous polyamorous sluts and hetero- and homo-sexuals are pillars of monogamous virtue.

You can find one of the articles about the match.com controversy here : Rejected From The Personals

Also, if you’re interested in comparing Match.com’s stance on bisexuals then and now just read these two articles: Why Bi Guys Aren’t For Me &  Dating When You’re Bi: How to explain your orientation to your mates.  Gotta admit I don’t like the byline on that one… or should I say bi-line ;)

Now I understand why match.com never responded to my complaint about not being able to list my sexual orientation. Now I understand why my first two profiles were rejected. They still won’t allow you to identify yourself as bisexual, which is dishonest in my opinion. Match.com also does not provide sufficient search tools. For example, I can only be listed as a woman looking for a woman or a woman looking for a man. Whichever I choose, my profile will only show up for those search terms. Therefore if I list myself as a woman seeking a woman, no men will be able to match with my profile and vice versa. I raise this as an issue because there really aren’t many women on this site in my vicinity… even fewer who are interested in dating a bi woman… and I may not as well have created a profile in the first place.

After being sufficiently disillusioned about even having the opportunity to online date, I began looking at more bi-friendly dating websites. This lead to further disillusionment. If you click on the link to that article up there you can see what I mean. Those “dating” sites that accept bisexuals are also… linked to alternative lifestyles lets say. Now, I am a very open-minded person and accepting of alternative lifestyles, but what I was looking for was some good old-fashioned dating. I wanted to be able to meet people I could go have a drink with and get to know and possibly develop a friendship with… and in the best case scenario hopefully a relationship. I wasn’t looking to be tied up and dominated, or for poly couples to solicit me. If I had been, I would simply look for that. These are not “dating” websites. There are no websites where bisexuals can simply date or meet other bisexuals without it being sexualized and synonymous with such alternative lifestyles. True, I think that bisexuals are more open-minded and accepting, however, only providing services to them that are linked to homosexuality or alternative sexual identities just propagates either bisexual invisibility or negative stereotypes about bisexual promiscuity.

Where can a bisexual girl go to date? Right now my profile is up at OkCupid.com as it seems to be the best option. They allow me to identify myself as bisexual and their search functions really do allow for the greatest variety and least exclusivity. Now it seems that the only problem I consistently encounter are peoples’ individual prejudices. I have received a surprising amount of messages from men on this site. Unfortunately, they seem to be under the mistaken impression that going out with me is like getting some two-for-one deal and often ask if I’d “bring a friend”… yeeaah not so much. As for women, I have only received two messages (both on match.com) and one was just not my type. The other, unfortunately just didn’t work out. I tried sending messages to women that I thought were interesting or cute and never received responses. Why that is, I’m not sure. Perhaps they weren’t attracted to me, perhaps they just don’t use these websites anymore, or perhaps its because I’m open about being bi. I honestly don’t know and have no way of knowing… but its no secret that lesbians don’t want to date bisexual women. True, I would get more responses if I listed myself as “gay” or just “woman seeking woman”… but I’d rather not be disingenuous. More importantly, I’d rather just be true to myself and proud of my identity.